My friend
Loved for their own sake.
AQUINAS CALLS THISLove of friendshipThe Aquinas series / 04
To love is to will
the good of another.
Catechism 1766, citing Aquinas · Summa Theologiae I–II, q. 26, a. 4
Whose good am I seeking? Aquinas helps us look beyond the attraction of a moment to the person we love—and the good we desire for them.
To willTo desire and choose
The goodWhat truly helps someone flourish
Of anotherThe person whose good I seek
01 / Person & good
One act of love.
Two directions.
Developing Aristotle’s account, Aquinas distinguishes the person we love from the good we desire for that person.
I love my friend.
Their health
Desired for the person I love.
AQUINAS CALLS THISLove of desire02 / The depth of love
Goodwill opens
toward communion.
Aquinas says that willing another’s good expresses a central feature of love. His account also includes a bond with the beloved.
I wish you well.
I will a good for you, even if we have only just met.
II–II, q. 27, a. 2Your good matters to me.
Love includes goodwill and a union of affection with the beloved. I care for you as someone joined to me.
II–II, q. 27, a. 2We share a life.
Friendship adds mutual love grounded in something shared between friends.
II–II, q. 23, a. 1These are related distinctions, rather than a timetable every relationship must follow.
03 / Love elevated by grace
Charity begins
with God’s gift.
For Aquinas, charity is friendship with God, founded on God sharing his own happiness with us.
GOD GIVES
A share in his life
WE ARE DRAWN INTO
Friendship with God
WE LOVE FOR HIS SAKE
Our neighbor as ourselves
FriendsStrangersEven enemies
Charity is a theological virtue given by God. It directs our love toward God above all things and toward our neighbor for God’s sake. Aquinas explains that this love reaches even those who do not return our affection.
04 / Everyday applications
The good we will
becomes the good we do.
Aquinas calls doing good for another “beneficence.” These examples apply his teaching to ordinary life.
Listen
What does this person actually need?
Discern
What good can I responsibly help them pursue?
Act
What fitting act of care can I offer?
With someone close
Make time to listen. Share a burden. Encourage what helps the person grow, even when it asks something of you.
With someone in need
Offer practical help suited to the situation: a meal, time, company, or help finding the support they need.
When a choice causes harm
Seek the person’s good while refusing to help the harmful action. Love can be patient, truthful, and firm.
When affection is difficult
Pray for their good. Treat them justly. Choose a concrete kindness when the opportunity calls for it.
Prudence attends to the person, the need, and the circumstances. Aquinas recognizes both our particular responsibilities and the urgency of another person’s need.
05 / Questions welcomed
A love that involves
the whole person.
Where do feelings belong?
Aquinas speaks of love both as a passion and as an act of the will. Affection and delight belong to human love. His account also makes room for choosing another’s good when warm feelings are absent.
Summa I–II, q. 26, aa. 1–3Does love mean giving someone everything they want?
The aim is their real good. Aquinas distinguishes supporting a person’s life and needs from helping them do wrong. Caring for someone can therefore include refusing a harmful request while remaining concerned for them.
Summa II–II, q. 31, a. 2, reply to objection 2Must I be able to help everyone in the same way?
Aquinas recognizes that our ability to help is limited. Circumstances, urgent need, and particular responsibilities matter. Love disposes us to care for anyone; prudence guides the help we can actually give.
Summa II–II, q. 31, aa. 2–3Can I love someone who does not love me back?
Ordinary friendship involves mutual love. Charity reaches further: because we love God, we can will the good of those who belong to him, including an enemy. Aquinas grounds this generosity in friendship with God.
Summa II–II, q. 23, a. 1, reply to objection 2